I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
