I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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