Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
