Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
