So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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