i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
