oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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