I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
