woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
