Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
