She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
