Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
