remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
