i think my mom watched the whole time
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
