He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I wish i was in the wii world.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
