i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
