your parents love me but you hate me
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
