Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
