I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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