It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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