I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
