My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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