Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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