i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
