paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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