I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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