Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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