I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
