uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
