Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
