You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
