Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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