dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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