So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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