She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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