Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
