he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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