K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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