Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i believe in u and ur pee
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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