I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
