I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
this is an emotional support booty call
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
