Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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