i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
