What did we do last night that was yellow?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
