My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
