if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just cropdusted the office
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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