I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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