Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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