I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
