11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
