for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
