im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize