i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
