I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
