One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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