please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
