I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
