he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
