I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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