Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
