You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
