When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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