You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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