Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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