The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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