This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
