So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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