her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
