just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He kissed a someone with a penis
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
