Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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